The Wrong Reflection

If people aren’t like you

What are they like?

If  I’m not like you

What am I like?

people can  see me

Can’t they?

I should ask them

“What am I like?”

I need to hear flatteries

Saying nothing about me is just as bad as

Shame triggering poisonous attacks

makes me try harder

to be lovable

Like other people

My reflection’s off

I was trapped in the mirror

The fire of my awareness

Melted the hard walls

allowing me to see

Different directions

Into a maze

The journey is a labyrinth

my psycho experience

my somatic experience

No longer frozen in a reflection

I feel ablazed with sensations.

© 2012 IAP Art Group ™ All Rights Reserved

2 Responses to “The Wrong Reflection”

  1. I’ve enjoyed reading your blog, your authentic thoughts and piecing it all together. So much of what you’ve written, I’ve gone through myself. I first read daughters of narcissistic mothers and so much of it resonated with me. I had a phantom mom that was there physically, but not emotionally. I don’t really think she likes kids that much. That being said, I also found many characteristics in my mom, myself, my children, that are in line with autism. You’d be surprised at how closely autism (asperger’s) resembles a narcissistic personality disorder, because they can really lack the self awareness of how their actions impact other people. You would hope they care once they’re made aware, and if they don’t care or acknowledge that they hurt you, I don’t know how you go on in relationship with someone like that. I’ve cut some narcissists out of my life and they have no clue why. I’m an avoider though- so I never bothered to give an explanation. It does feel amazing to know that you are worth something and can respect yourself enough to remove unhealthy people from your life. Life is too short to submit yourself to negativity.

    You seem to have a clear picture now, and it’s refreshing to know that you’re loveable, worthy of being loved, valued, and those that had the priveledge of raising you, were extremely limited in many ways, but that in no way, makes you less of a person. Their inability to show love, express empathy and compassion, is their story. And probably their parent’s stories. You’re in a great position to break the mold! Enjoy your self discovery, this is your life and you get to make all the decisions.

    I have been officially diagnosed with Asperger’s – And it’s made a world of difference in self understanding.

    Anyway, I Hope you keep writing, I imagine there are many people out there who can relate.

    • Aurora B'Alis Says:

      You have inspired me to dig deeper and continue writing. Our inner world has been crushed by our mothers lack of presence and awareness and you arebrave because I know it hasn’t been easy to brave. You must be a spirited individual and have fought tooth and nail for an inch of peace of mind. I love you for that, my kind of soldier. Keep on fighting, loving and being sweet. You sharing is better than diamonds to me. Have blessed day of fun, reflection, and allowance.

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